Here's my baka life!

(mild spoilers for Slow Damage, Togainu No Chi + discussion of SA and violence)

I've just been kind of struggling lately... My brain is a whole big mess.... I'm a big mess!!! I've been neglecting everything I love in favor of just rotting away doing nothing.... I totally tanked my pre-finals too (who knows? the result isn't out yet but I know I didn't do good). I NEED to focus on studying but I just can't bring myself to. I'm achieving nothing this way. Fuck my life!!!!

I think it's just a weird teenage brain blockage or something. What-the-fuck-EVER!!!! Let's move on from this topic.

I've been cutting my own hair a lot lately. I've gone wayyyy too short this time and I love it! (Not my parents though... They really gave me a piece of their mind. Yikes!)

I really hope my dad gets me those PS4 games like he said.. I hope the sale on the PS store doesn't end before he gets to that. I'm getting RE4 Remake (FINALLY! AFTER YEARS OF WATCHING PLAYTHROUGHS!!!), Danganronpa Reload 1/2 and Project Diva Future Sound. I would get that pack where you have both Future Sound and Colorful Sound (Tone?) combined but it cost a bit more.... gahhhhh!!!!!

On the topic of games, I've been playing through Nitro+Chiral's titles lately. I recently finished Slow Damage (I started playing it last October, it's a LONG game!) and it was SO GOOD!! Fujieda's route was absolutely amazing. I want to see Towa happy so bad.. He deserves so much... ;_; My poor boy...... The whole time I was playing through the Maya's mansion bit my heart hurt for him so bad. I identify with him a little bit due to the fact that we're both childhood sexual abuse survivors AND our memories about the past are kinda wack....

I downloaded Togainu No Chi and Sweet Pool after finishing Slow Damage (huahahahahah piracy ftwwww) (sorry Nitro+Chiral I don't have money to give you. Once I get a job then maybe I will purchase the titles through JAST and benefit you directly). I've done a few endings on Togainu No Chi so far (Executioners, Keisuke Good Ending, Rei Good Ending) and it's okay..... I guess I just miss Slow Damage a little bit.. You can really tell it was Nitro+Chiral's best release yet. There's so much care put into that game it made me a little bit emotional. A difference between SD and TnC is that a majority of the sexual scenes in SD are (mostly) consensual on Towa's end and he kind of gets off on it. In TnC Akira's just getting raped for the love of the game and it doesn't sit right with me. AND LISTEN OKAY I'M NOT SAYING THAT SD DOESN'T HAVE SCENES LIKE THAT IT VERY MUCH DOES!!!!! But they're handled differently in both games. And honestly a lot of scenes in TnC were just plain cruel (both executioners endings, Keisuke's 'screwdrivers', etc. etc.) so yeah. Das my consensus.

I've only played Sweet Pool for like 15 minutes so far, so I can't really form an opinion on it. Sometimes the navigation gives me an aneurysm. I didn't like the art style at first but it's grown on me. The MC (whatever his name is) is kind of endearing, if a little uhmmmmm 'fragile.' But I guess that's the whole point.

Oh my goodness I don't know how I yapped for that long.... Okay bye I'm going.

P.S. To the person on reddit who posted their discount code in r/PakistanBookClub, I love you. Now I have finally bought myself a copy of Lolita!!!!!
I wanted to buy Fun Home by Alison Bechdel but if my parents found it while I'm already under suspicion of being gay n trans then I would be FINISHED.... So I am settling for reading it online. I would've bought Maus or Persepolis but they were either too out of my budget or unavailable :/