Look Back

I've been real confused about my career lately... I'm set to graduate soon (class of 2027!) and I honestly have no idea what to do with my life... For the past 5 years or so I thought I'd become a doctor because, well, that's what everyone wanted. That was what I wanted too. But now as I'm maturing I realize that the life of a doctor doesn't really align with my ideal life. And nor do I have the passion to set aside my ideals to pursue medicine and medicine only. I don't want to spend so long studying and working, waiting till I'm in my late 20s to start earning, all to pursue something I'm not super passionate about. Plus, medicine will leave me no time to indulge in my true passions - art, sewing, crafting, gaming - all that stuff. So I am stuck. I don't know what to do with my life now that I've left behind becoming a doctor. I'm worried about potentially pursuing art as a career (fear of burning out, financial stability, art school, etc.) so naturally having a day job seems like a good idea, at least until I'm financially independent enough to do art seriously. But then comes the dilemma of what day job to do! My parents obviously won't accept anything that isn't at least sort of respectable, but everything high enough on the respectability scale is so time and labor intensive... Not that I'm afraid of putting in hard work, of course. I'm a very hard worker. And then I suppose to top it all off, there's the state of the job market and stupid Pakistani society as well. Gahhh! Why can't everything just leave me alone!!!! Stupid stupid stupid... Why did society make it so that I have to decide my entire future as a teenager?! Well, whatever.... Let's talk about something fun instead.
 愛(かな)しい哀しい話をしようっか　ゼラチン質の....「で？」/ref

I've started playing Drammatical Murder recently! It's a really good gameee (˶ˆᗜˆ˵) Though not as gruesome as the other NITRO+CHiRAL titles I've played! I didn't think their games were all that brutal but I'm starting to think differently now that I've come across Togainu No Chi being mentioned on r/YaoiGuro.... It's not that guro imo!!! There wasn't much body horror involved, no guts or nothing either! I guess Arbitro and the Executioner's endings were kind of extreme.. But still!!!

Big thank you to monsieurdoll btw for inspiring me to play these games! I find him really really cool... Plis check his site out it's an absolute pleasure to scroll through! The graphics... The aesthetics.. Oh ma gawd when I saw the Navigation menu on the Lamento shrine I was about to bust it was so good. Nobody does it like mistah monsieurdoll I swear. His rainmeter themes are also hella gas. They motivated me to beautify mi littol laptop.



Since we are already on the topic of games I want to add that I've finished with Resident Evil 4 Remake!! My GOD was it a journey. I fucking loved it so much. I've never played this kind of game before and I can honestly say that it was the most fun I've had ever. If only I had the kinda time to just sit and play it for 6 hours at a stretch.... Oh well...

I pirated the original 2005 game on my laptop and I'm having a blast playing through that as well! Though it was a bit hard to do it, seeing that this was my first time pirating a game (other than a VN ofc) + I had to figure out all the issues with pairing my DS4 controller and dealing with the Xbox inputs and stuff.. My gahh those first few days were tough! But now that I've sorted it all out there's nothing better in this world!

Okay enough yap see you soon >